Family Matters

Resources on divorces, child support, adoption, custody, domestic violence, and estate planning.

Divorce

Question:

My husband is a 100% disabled veteran that has PTSD and multiple personalities. He is leaving us with nothing. I am disabled and unable to work and we have two kids to take care of. The only money is his disability. I am his fiduciary and don't want to mismanage his money by paying for our house and utilities. What can I do?

 

Jim's Reply:

If you want to actually settle this as it should be, the family court is the only real answer for you. Unless and until you get all this in front of a magistrate there is nothing anyone can do to provide any real assistance to you. We can talk about what could or should happen but nothing will go forward until you're in court.
 

That you are his fiduciary complicates things...a lot. The very best thing you can do for yourself is to get in touch with a local divorce lawyer and explain what you're up against. Divorce lawyers cost money and you'll be billed but if you ask around I have a feeling you'll find an attorney who will allow you some time to make payments.
 

In the end you really will have to get legal help, either from an attorney or a local legal aid group. I don't see any other option. Good luck.

 

Photo credit: Justin Follis. A woman hugs a man from behind

Military Power of Attorney

This article discusses what a Power of Attorney (POA) is, the different types of POAs, when they end, and how to designate one.
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Family Care Plan

This article answers Frequently Asked Questions regarding Family Care Plans.

Apportionment process for child support

Question:

My daughters ex is 100% disability for PTSD (he did not see combat). He is fighting her court order for child support. In the meantime he is getting extra money each month that is for the boys but keeps it. He has never paid a cent for their support. Can the military send that part directly to her and if so who does she contact?

 

Jim's Reply:

Yes, if she has a legit court order for child support or alimony and there is evidence he has fallen behind, she may ask the VA to apportion his benefits. Apportionment is a process similar to garnishment and she must accurately complete a form and return that to VA per the instructions you'll find through that link.
 

While that's in process she should be in constant touch with her state child support enforcement agency and the district attorney in the region where the children live. Often enough the DA will have access to resources to help persuade deadbeat parents to pay up. Deadbeat parents can have their drivers and other licenses taken from them but you have to be persistent to convince the state to help. Good luck.

 

Photo credit: William Stitt. A young black man in a graduation cap and gown sits smiling on a bench in a garden

Supplemental Programs

In addition to the GI Bill, the VA offers supplemental programs to cover gap expenses. There are also additional non-VA related programs that may help fill the cost gap. Read here for more information.
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VA Survivors Pension

A VA Survivors Pension offers monthly payments to qualified surviving spouses and unmarried dependent children of wartime Veterans. See here if you might be eligible and how to apply.
Photo credit: Benjamin Manley. A woman sits on a bench, back to the camera, with her arms around two small children

Child Custody and Military Service

Information and guidance about navigating family life while in the military.

Child support obligations of Veterans

Question:

I just got out of a seminar with an organization called " Protect Veterans Rights." You need to read updated brief that makes Title 38 USC 5301 or Rose vs Rose null and void. Title 38 USC 511.. Read it and than post your comments.

 

Jim's Reply:

The 5301 myth has been around as long as tales of Sasquatch sightings in that Loch Ness neighborhood where the sidewalk ends and Nessie resides happily. All have fanatical followers who swear of their sightings and experiences that will change the world but that never seems to quite come to fruition.
 

You're just another in a long line of angry guys who have shown disdain for their children by trying to use an obtuse statute by misinterpreting it so to avoid child support. 
 

I tried to read the manifesto you speak of but a deep Google search turned up zip for your "Protect Veterans Rights" group, there's simply nothing there. You need to learn how to hyperlink to things you want others to view. Otherwise, you got nothing...there is no "updated brief."
 

Here's the deal: Unhappy ex-husbands (mostly) who are also disabled veterans have been whining about how 5301 magically protects their benefits from supporting the children they sired. These 5301 zealots have spread misinformation for at least a decade that I've been involved. Their goal is to punish the ex and reduce paying child support...a truly noble effort if ever there was one. I've watched as they sit in jail for contempt of court and I've talked with the ex-spouses who are trying to get by...it's all sad.
 

Whatever you think you've learned won't release you from your child support obligation. No way, no how. Accept and live with that...you'll be a better man for taking care of your kids.
 

I speak from experience. I paid child support and lived in near poverty for over 15 years. I paid it without the constant whining I hear day to day (from you and many others) because it was the right thing to do. I did without so the child could have what he deserved. That doesn't make me a hero, this is what parents do...they make sacrifices for their progeny.
 

You can continue to cry to strangers on the Internet or you can deal with it. I paid my child support debt a long time ago and it's my opinion that you should too.
 

For what it's worth, as of my typing this, 38 U.S. Code § 5301.Nonassignability and exempt status of benefits and Rose v. Rose are intact, hardly "null and void".

 

Alimony?

Question:

I have been paying spousal support from my Air Force retirement pay for 27 1/2 years. My ex wife had her own career and draws her own retirement pay, social security, and part of MY retirement. Is there a way to stop this spousal support?

 

Jim's Reply:

Yes. You'll need to return to the appropriate court to seek an amendment to the stipulations of the divorce decree that ordered spousal support. Seeking an amendment to an order of a divorce court is pretty common and people will seek either increases or decreases because things change over time.
 

It's been a long time since you divorced so you'll need to determine which family court will have jurisdiction over your divorce and once you've done that you need to have a look at how the state laws of that court will affect amendments to your obligations.
 

This is a good time to shop for an experienced lawyer who can represent you in the court. I'd urge you to invest the money in the fee you'll encounter, there will be a fair amount of math and some obscure law involved and your investment will be well spent.
 

To be clear...nothing can happen without the approval of the family court that has jurisdiction. Divorce decrees are court orders and to modify a court order, you need another court order or you could be in contempt. Good luck!

 

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Legal Services Organizations by State

This article lists legal services organizations for every state. You may find free legal help at the listed organizations should you meet the financial requirements.